WHEN 'ANY' WORD WILL DO by by James Kilpatrick

WHEN 'ANY' WORD WILL DO

October 01, 2006 08:19 PM EST

The Court of Peeves, Crotches & Irks resumes its autumn assizes with a motion from Roberta Brown of Buffalo, N.Y. She asks for clarification "of the 'any' words." Are they spelled as one word or two? As an exhibit she offers an editorial in The New York Times discussing troop withdrawal from Iraq "anytime in the foreseeable future."

The court will plunge foolishly into this thicket. Arbitrarily, the court will overlook for the moment evidence having to do with anybody, anyone, anything and anywhere. These are universally spelled as one word, except when we are getting risque and want to say that Marilyn Monroe's body was not just any body. The court wanders.

Most of the "any" adverbs have been around for a long time. "Anywise," in the sense of "in any way whatever," dates from before 1000. "Anyway" and the variant "anyways" date from the 13th century, "anymore" from the 14th, "anyhow" from the 17th and "anywheres" from the 18th. Now, what about "anytime"? Remarkably, Random House dates the adverb from 1780-90, Merriam-Webster only from 1926! Incredible! The court will name a Special Master.

Returning, however reluctantly, to Reader Brown's motion, the court will expatiate briefly on such cousins of "anytime" as the nouns "anybody" and "anyone." Ordinarily they are harmless, e.g., "Anybody may have a drink who really needs one." It is when we get into their referent pronouns -- singular or plural? -- that insults are hurled and friendships are splintered.

"Anyone who thinks HE's pure is surely not," wrote Flannery O'Connor in a letter. "As anybody in THEIR senses would have done," wrote Jane Austen in "Mansfield Park." And to aid in the court's deliberation, "When anybody was condemned to be beheaded, HE or SHE promptly retained the Empress as intercessor," wrote George Bernard Shaw. The court will follow well-established precedent: These indefinite pronouns take singular verbs and singular referents! Miss Austen was a great lady, but here she nodded. Shaw was a witty fellow, but "he or she" is a cop-out.

The court acknowledges that the old order changeth, yielding place to new. Plural referents are spawning everywhere. Such authorities as Roy Copperud, Rudolph Flesch and Bergen Evans gave up as far back as 1970. The editors of Webster's Dictionary of English Usage acknowledged in 1989 that the use of anybody/their "is winning greater acceptance." Only this court and The New York Times remain in the old school. The Times' Stylebook is positively adamant:

"Anybody, anyone, everybody, everyone. Each of these pronouns is singular and requires 'he' or 'she' (never 'they') on further reference. ... As a last resort, the awkward 'his or her' is tolerable; a plural pronoun with a singular antecedent is not."

Helen Green of Cheyenne, Wyo., moves the court for an order abolishing the adjective "legendary." In evidence she offers an advertisement from the Wyoming Tribune-Eagle for Silver Mine Subs. The vendor claims "LEGENDARY TASTE, LEGENDARY DELIVERY, LEGENDARY HOURS!"

The court hesitates to abolish an adjective that has been around since 1587, even though it has been abused since 1588. Properly employed, "legendary" should be reserved for stories of a certain age, and the stories should chronicle "some work of noble note ... not unbecoming men that strove with gods" -- Dizzy Dean's legendary screwball, Rita Hayworth's legendary legs. The Silver Mine's 2-foot sub doesn't make the cut. The court, suddenly hungry, will take a recess.

(Readers are invited to send dated citations of usage to Mr. Kilpatrick in care of this newspaper. His e-mail address is kilpatjj@aol.com.)