The news is out and I'm emotionally disturbed by it all.

Every two and a half million years the planet wobbles and wham... there goes mammals, again.

Something has to be done. Something HAS to be DONE!

We have to STOP Global Wobbling.

I know it may seem unrealistic to some but this is our fault. We are, after, all mammalian.

It isn't like the spiders die off. It isn't like the lizards die off. I can understand it may, at one time have been the fault of the dinosaurs but they died in an act of massive inter-planatary collision that wacked the atmosphere and doesn't account for how they lived but they died, so who cares.

Something has to be done to stop Global Wobbling.

According to The New York Times, (and who doesn't believe them) "variations in the course Earth travels around the Sun and in the tilt of its axis are associated with episodes of global cooling." That completely explains the booboo made by science and other scaredy-cats not too many years ago when Global Cooling was all the rage. But not anymore, so forget that.

And anyway, Global Cooling already has a culprit: "Ever since the establishment of the northern ice cap, Dr. van Dam said, the climate system has been reacting differently, as reflected in the succession of ice ages." All we have to do is find the culprit responsible for those drat ice caps and sue him.

So if we human mammals are responsible for Global Warming then by-golly we HAVE to be responsible for Global Wobbling as well and its high time somebody paid for it.

Just think. There are a lot of human mammals on this rock. And they are all clumped together in COUNTRIES. All that water space out there in the oceans means the rock HAS to be lighter in the deep and heavier in the heap of people. Rock weighs more than water, right?

The very inconvenient truth about it all HAS to be that people just have to move to more dispursed areas and balance out the populations so the earth, our 'mother planet' doesn't have to compensate for all that over-abundance of surplus population in COUNTRIES, and tilt.

Tilting is not a good thing. If we just had a single world-wide country people could move around a bit more and not tilt the planet so much.

In the near future: window washers will be unable to reach the windows as they swing out into the air from a tilted earth; cars will slide down ramps sideways; it will take more energy (and we all have to save that energy) to push the Internet signals up-hill on one side of the earth and somebody else will get the downhill 'free' energy benefits and that's just not fair for the masses); runway models will have to fight tilt as well as bad high-heels and just think of the law suits.

It is high time 'Bush' fixed Global Wobbling; before its too late: before the planet tips over on its side and we all fall off. Oh my, somebody do SOMETHING!

"Paleontologists and mammal experts not involved in the research said the findings and interpretations were provocative and likely to inspire other investigations."

Oh yes. Investigate. But I can tell you right now its our fault. We didn't know about Global Wobbling until we ah, well.. knew about it and that took US to do the knowing so we HAVE to be at fault.

"As the scientists pored over some 80,000 isolated molars, the most distinct markers of different species, the patterns of turnovers emerged. They seemed often to occur in clusters, which seemed unrelated to biology."

You see. Clusters. There were too many mammals in one place at one time. It tilted the earth and they died. We can't have that happen today. There are so many human mammals in clusters. We call those countries. We need to get rid of those clusters before they kill us all.

"The "pulses of turnover," the scientists determined, occurred mainly at times when the different cycles left Earth a colder world."

Well, that's good. We have Global Warming now. SO, it is saving us? How cool is that?

"...the hypothesis 'offers a plausible explanation for the characteristic duration of more or less 2.5 million years of the mean species life span in mammals.'"

Oh. There is a cycle to the debacle. Cycles. John Kerry rode one of those in a picture. 'Bush' rides a cycle. And he fell off. See? We need competent cyclists. Either that, or the wobbling is already upon us.

John Noble Wilford (kissing up to the prize committee no doubt) wrote the article in the Times. He got it from the journal Nature. I got it from him. But do you get it?

Oh, the sky is falling, indeed.

The very inconvenient truth of it all is: the earth has been here a long time and it will be here for a long time to come and its cycles happen. Humans are no more responsible for the warming or the cooling than we are for the wobbling. But we are responsible for the hysteria surrounding the scaredy-cats.

"the researchers write, the hypothesis 'offers a plausible explanation for the characteristic duration of more or less 2.5 million years of the mean species life span in mammals.'"

Now, do you get it?

But stand by for the upcoming catastrophe known as magnetic pole inversion. Somebody's gotta be responsible for that too. I see a class action on the way.

All of the quoted stuff (ca'use its too hard to make this stuff up) came from here.