Is it just me, or has the battle of the sexes taken a very nasty turn? I was enjoying a pint with a close friend of mine when he made a comment that seems to encapsulate a slumbering nastiness increasingly elbowing its way in between the genders. Nodding towards a gorgeous full-bosomed woman casually passing our table, his voice lowered, he remarked: "fantastic pair of personalities."
It was neither his vulgarity, nor his condescending manner which upset me, but rather the unsolicited cynicism coming so effortlessly from a man, whom I regard as one of the nicest chaps I know - attractive, successful, intelligent and blessed with a charming demeanour.
Sensing that he was waiting for me to take the bait, I tried to reply as honestly as I could. "That’s a bit rough. Just because she's attractive doesn't necessarily imply that she can use her personality as a contraceptive", and added, "Stereotyping people according to their looks is just not cricket, old sport".
But he just mocked me. "Dream on Lancelot - you'e the one being stereotyped nowadays!" Without any further prodding, he asked: "Ever watch Sex in the City?" And, almost before I replied that I sometimes did, he launched into a diatribe about the way men are portrayed in it. With considerable bitterness he described the stereotypes - Mister Big, the chaps with small willies, and the cuddly fellows with the innate ability to cry when watching Oprah. He concluded wearily: "If that's popular describing today's man or at least the view of women of what today's man is, I didn't recognise myself in any of them."
There was no doubting his sincerity and his puzzlement at his own identity, and this left me having to accept that his original comment was not malicious in intent, but rather the knee-jerk reaction of a man who feels completely out of sync with the time he is living in.
Although depressing, it also forced me to accept that he was right in his assessment of the way men are currently portrayed in popular culture. It seems that we men are confronted with an array of rehashed stereotypes, extreme persona and obscene generalisations, and some of us can't help feeling frustrated, insulted and resentful. Could it be that the gloves have come off in the battle of the sexes and that women, like the female characters in Sex and the City, haven’t the slightest compunction to treat men like disposable rags when their (women's) own wishes, desires and wants are not fulfilled to their complete satisfaction?
'All is fair in love and war', the saying goes, but where are fairness and honesty when men are constantly being portrayed as anachronistic, perverse and immature? For example, I seriously cannot relate to any of the male characters portrayed in Desperate Housewives, Cold Case or Nip & Tuck. In all honesty, I have nothing in common with men who like other men, such as Will of Will and Grace or Graham Norton, and I don't have the slightest ambition to emulate their postures and preferences. We are neither the sadistic sex-maniacs that drove Thelma & Louise off the cliff, nor the muscle-monkeys in a Rambo film.
Perhaps, the animation film The Incredibles provides for a more accurate depiction of the majority of men; normal men forced to lead double lives in order to placate the expectations foisted upon them by an unwitting audience mesmerised by stereotypical male figures on TV and the big-screen. It is unfair to categorise mature men according to the dictates of a popular culture that panders mainly to pubescent emotions, expectations and imaginings. Suffice it to say that we are not what we are made out to be by TV and film directors - there is more to us than meets the eye of those cameras. It won't be unreasonable to argue that pale males, for the first time in recorded history, are at a loss when it comes to a pervasive and clearly discernible sense of self.
There are so many negative stereotypes of men nowadays that it's no wonder that young men are getting completely confused about themselves and their forefathers. We used to be everybody's John Wayne, James Dean and 007, but that's history now. The cowboy has become the despoiler of nature (Dances with Wolves) and the rebel without a cause has become the racist without remorse (In my Country). There can be no doubt that the public image of men has taken a severe beating since the advent of certain radical social movements, and that we've been on the back foot ever since. In fact, our fall from grace has been so fast that no discernible socially acceptable stereotype of men is still recognisable in popular culture – except for the witty gay TV host, of course. The rest is, well, downright negative.
Take the male characters in Nip&Tuck as an example; highly qualified medical professionals whose miserably unstable social and emotional lives are so farcical and superficial that one cannot help but pray for a frontal lobotomy – or a bottle in front of me – after every episode. Alas, from hero to villain and town-clown in less than 30 years! While we are being ridiculed, the 'Other' (females, blacks, homosexuals, etc.) are having a whale of a time.
The Britney Spears phenomenon - known as 'Girlism' in more discerning circles - has given women carte blanche in self-indulgence and self-actualisation. This positively peppy image of today's trendy woman (e.g. Paris Hilton) has given them the wonderful opportunity to treat men as walking-wallets temporarily hanging onto their (women's) shopping money. Popular TV series and films are awash with high-pitched giggles, exposed navels, ego-trips and brand addictions. The downside obviously being bulimia, overdrafts and a superficiality that prompts normal men, like my esteemed friend, to treat them like idiots – in an ungentlemanly way, I should rather say!
Lest I be accused of vilifying those who manufacture the illusions that are supposed to represent our culture and even our morality, or immorality, let's make a serious attempt to focus on the male stereotypes which are leaving Joe Average utterly perplexed, confused and angry. Perhaps I am foolish, even rash, or maybe I need therapy, but I seriously think we should embark on a writing project to highlight, isolate, describe and explain the most commonly used pale male stereotypes in popular culture. It will definitely not be a PC tale of small willies, big egos, flashy cars and partner swapping sprees. There is a myriad of misconceptions about men floating around in popular culture that needs to be exposed and destroyed.
You will see that John Wayne wasn't gay, that you don't need to be Oscar Wilde to express yourself and that saving Troy can be done with a beer-belly. Men really aren't as bad as they are made out to be, on the contrary, we are rather amicable when you know when and how to push the right buttons and stroke our rather stubborn egos.
(To my regular readers;
My sincere apologies for having used the first-person pronoun - the 'I' - 14 times in this article! But then, when in Rome do as the Romans do. 'I' detest having to resort to it ( the 'I') in order to bring a point across! As soon as one uses the 'I', one automatically enters Oprahverse...that feel-good dimension underpinning Innocentopia. I.e. the world of the Clintons, George Clooney, Barbara Streisand, Bono, etc. That same world where a bloody pervert like Foley can escape all responsibility because his innocent 'I' was stolen by the bad 'external' world of alcoholism. All excuses, and more excuses - in an age where emotions dictate reality!)
