In his poem "The Road Not Taken," Robert Frost wrote:

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, and be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could ... Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

I believe that what Robert Frost is saying is that it's difficult to focus on long-term goals, because they require sacrifice. But long-term goals also prevent suffering, so much of which is optional. Long-term goals are the honest way out of the problems of today. For example, maybe you are a parent having difficulty with your teenager. Your son or daughter is acting out and breaking your heart and you just want some relief - now! What can you do?

What you can do is what most parents in this situation never think of. Focus on an amazing, beautiful picture of your future where both you and your child are successful and you have a fantastic relationship. Parents who do this well, don't stop here though. They also focus on a beautiful future that includes their grandchildren, and their great grandchildren..... By keeping their eyes on this wonderful long-term goal these parents have the power to do their very best every day not to make short-term choices that would eliminate these beautiful possibilities. This long-term dream, thier destiny, gives them plenty of time to come up with creative ways to set boundaries for their child, while nurturing their heart with a beautiful future of happiness, hope and prosperity.

"Quality time," today's myth of busy parents, actually encourages moms and dads to focus on short-term goals and solutions that don't last. This artificial model of "family scarcity" raises the stakes for creating a "quality family experience" that is both unrealistic and damaging. Time is always limited whether one is busy or not, but our choices can last a life time and longer, or not.

It takes courage to set boundaries for children, which they need to feel secure, to learn, to be safe, and to be healthy. Reasonable, consistent boundaries give children clear, consistent messages that point to valuable choices that will protect their future and give them a compass to follow.

If, for example, your neighbor explains that she has asked your son not to come over to play between certain hours when her children are doing their homework or practicing their music lesson, but he is not cooperating, and you respond to her concerns, "that's your problem, tell him to go home!" don't be too surprised if one day your son, for whom a tap on the shoulder now has no affect, eventually gets hit over the head with a 2 x 4.

Giving your children reasonable boundaries is a beautiful way to love them over the long run, not just today. Parents who won't stand up to their kids when they are children and push this responsibility off on others, eventually get what they asked for, when the police show up at the door, or their kids develop long-term help problems in their 20s.

When children are young it is easy to get the impression that parenting is supposed to be all hugs and kisses - not so! It can be heart breaking and heart wrenching, but so many of the tragedies that occur in the lives of teenage and college age children can be avoided with a little long-term parenting. Don't put off doing the right thing by your children now in exchange for the short-term benefit of pacifying them today. In the long run you'll be glad you took the road less traveled.

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