'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House
"Not a Congressman toils..." the people did grouse.
The legislation lay there in a magnificent pile,
while the Democrats bleat "It's George Bush I revile..."

Led by Queen Nancy with Clyburn the Whip
keeping tabs on the faithful should one of them slip
and vote with Republicans on immigration or war
why, the Queen and her Whip would settle the score.

The people elected them - not over the war,
but anger with wimpy Republicans... Snore...
And all Democrats did with the keys to the city
was smear lipstick on a pig and ask "Aint she real pretty?"

They've done nothing this term but dig for more dirt
while the legislative process and the people get hurt.
They said theirs was a mandate; a mandate for change
but their idea of change is indeed rather strange...

Nothing but partisan oversight hearings;
Judiciary, Ways and Means...
And what've they got to show for it all,
but an anthill of what else? Beans.

To Henry Waxman the oversight king,
since 1974 you've been hostile.
Because of your assault on Democracy,
armchair quarterback is your legacy
you should be hung by your oversized nostrils.

Ms. Pelosi you promised a new direction;
A "phased redeployment" but not a retreat.
Your new direction was really backwards
and your blueprint for winning was one for defeat.
So when you look under your tree this year,
there won't be the usual presents my dear.
Since nailing George Bush is still next year's goal,
nothing for you but this black lump of coal.

John Murtha, despite your congressional record
you can still be a liar and a traitor, I've heard.
You accused eight Marines of despicable acts
before learning the truth, before checking your facts.
As far as congressional pork is concerned,
you're the porkiest pig we've learned.
Because of what's now dubbed the "Haditha debacle",
it should be you who's put in shackles.
So no shiny gifts under your tree this year,
just a black lump of coal for your treacherous smear.

Congratulations Sylvestre Reyes,
on your first year as House Intel Czar.
It's too bad you didn't know squat about terror
or who Hamas and Hezbollah are.
Ignorance in positions of power
could exact such a terrible toll,
that there's nothing for you but reminders to study
your enemies and this black lump of coal.

To Dennis Kucinich, you bitter old Scrooge
I've grown weary of you, to be blunt.
Your ridiculous effort to impeach Dick Cheney
was just a political stunt.
If you stay awake on Christmas Eve
and wait for that jolly old elf
he'd toss a lump of coal your way
as he flew past your house in his bright red sleigh
shouting "you should be impeached yourself!"

Yet still the Democrats try and they try...
they push and they push and they push...
Why, even the 2008 Democrat hopefuls
are running against George Bush.

"Old Saint Nick is livid at Congress this year."
He said with a frown and a squint.
"It's as bad as I feared, their poll numbers suck,
can't Congress just take a hint?
Until there comes that glorious day
that they choose to do what is right
I'll keep passing the Democrats up in my sleigh
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"